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“How was your second day?” asked my best friend when I messaged with her tonight.

“Good,” I said. “But I felt so useless because there are so many things that I can’t do yet because of the language issue. I want to prove that I’m a good addition to the company, and I just feel like i sit and stare now.”

And she had to remind me that it was only my second day, and that people weren’t expecting me to know everything yet.

In fact, they’ve given me no indication that they think I’m doing a bad job. In fact, they’ve been apologizing because they can’t always find me stuff to do.

It’s one of the big drawbacks to having the kind of personality I do (and probably do being a woman used to competitive environments), this constant need to prove that you’re worthy, that you’re not a hassle or wasting anyone’s time. The need to constantly perform.

I’m not saying it’s bad to do a good job. But it’s the part about reasonable expectations that’s the tricky bit.

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As I come closer to the end of my studies and the start of my career, I have plently of opportunities to consider who I want to be.

What do I want from my future job?

Well, I can’t say that I know that right now, in fact I’m pretty sure I’d like pretty much any job, since I’m pretty flexible. But I’ve seen some things already:

It’s important to show yourself off, from your best side.

Never show any weakness.

Take every opportunity to get ahead and sell yourself.

And I’ve realized that while I want a great career, I want to be able to look back and say I’ve acted honorably all my life. That I’ve been kind. That I’ve helped people. If that means I won’t earn that extra promotion, well, I’ll just be happy with less money.

I know some people will say that you should put yourself first, because others will do the same, but alright then.

Basically, just because you’re ambitious, does that have to mean you don’t care about people?

And I’m going to fly.

 

I, like many others, have attempted to blog in the past. Usually, it’s been just for my close friends, but I want to attempt something a little more ambitious than that. I’m about halfway through my last year of college, and partly, I want to document that. I also want to write about the things that interest me, and believe me, there are many.

It’s just that I’ve never properly tried to put them in words before. In the last few years, I’ve become so much more aware of what’s important to me, and even if I’m the only one who’ll ever read this, I’ll have proved to myself that I really care about some things; the proof is right here.

And I expect I’ll write a lot about school as well. Since I spend most of my time there and all.