Parting Melancholia

Most of you know I’m not the most sociable of people when I’m busy. It’s not that I don’t enjoy the company, it’s just that I require a lot of alone time, and that I often get funks where I don’t feel like doing much of all (as you’ve experienced when I don’t answer texts for weeks on end!).

However, as it always is when a big change is approaching, I’ve been seeing a lot of the people I haven’t had time to see during term time. And as it always is, I now don’t want to leave, because I have been having such a lovely time, and am so fond of all my friends. It’s strange, that I can feel I’m so lonely and friendless (brain ghosts) during term time, and then realize how many fantastic people I have in my life already. And as soon as I realize that, I have to leave.

And I am nervous about being away. I wish I could turn my brain off, and not worry about whether I will have anyone to spend time with this summer or not, whether I manage the work, whether I remember any German or not, and any number of thoughts that invade the brain at times like these. At the same time, I know it’s normal, and that most people feel this way (and if they don’t, they’re uncommonly composed and self-assured!), but that doesn’t help when one is in the middle of freaking out.

I’ve said my last goodbye, and pack my bags and now I’m ready. I hope.

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